||[Aug. 5th, 2008|12:40 am]
The land of Smeep!
I received my check from CHASE today, as well as an estimation as to what my monthly payments will be and how much I will have to pay back. Because I got shafted on the interest rate, it's not pretty. For a $40,000 loan, I will, In the long run, have to pay over $147k in the form of nearly 299 $500 installments. That's until 2035. Most of my life.|
And now I sit here, wondering if I should cash it, or make sacrifices. Do the pros outweigh the cons?
The sacrifices: If I do send the check back, I'm looking at taking off at least a semester of college; but in all likelihood, a year. In addition to that, when I do go back, it'll likely back to the dorms; the one singular location that has managed to weigh me down more than Georgia ever did. I know it sounds melodramatic; how can a place do that?
It's possible. In a location where you have seen a person's body dead on the ground from a wound to the back of the head, inflicted execution style mere feet from your front door, a location where many have been assaulted, mugged, stabbed, and shot, somewhere that i've been assaulted personally. It is a place that is completely devoid of sane life after 5pm, a place where it's impossible to have a car due to community restrictions, yet the closest grocery store is 5 miles away. I'm not talking about Oakland in general, I am speaking of the area immediately around the dorms, in the middle of downtown Oakland. A city that never sleeps, and never expects you to sleep either.
And there are the dorms themselves; community showers where there is rarely any hot water, a laundry room that never seems to work, stoves that also never seem to work (a community kitchen as well), not having any working heating system, a constantly malfunctioning internet, dealing with the 90-120 other retarded hormone ridden, drama filled individuals who paint walls, shit in showers, knock down doors, break into other people's rooms, destroy bathroom stalls, and keep you awake at night.
And most of all, the physicality of the rooms. Think of a 5x7 room in which not only you yourself are crammed into, but another individual is as well, an individual you had no prior knowledge of other than the first moment you walk through that door, an individual that in all likelihood, you will loathe by the end of the first semester, and that they will loathe you too.
This is what I am looking at if I send the check back. There's the possibility that I will be able to afford an apartment with having a semester- a year off, but I will loose scholarships and Grants, therefore making tuition in itself a challenge to pay off. Not alot of people at CCA can even say they've received a grant from the NEA, but that is a grant I stand to loose if I do not go back this semester.
If I keep the check, I am looking at a lifetime of payments, for two-four years of sanity and the ability to graduate with individuals who inspire me to work harder than I've ever worked, and to progress like nothing else. The check in itself would pay for an apartment with which I would share with a roommate, bills, car payments, food, gas, art supplies- life essentially. And I do not have to spend it all, whatever is left at the end of the next two years, I can send back immediately, thus greatly reducing the overall interest gathered.
I am at a loss though, it is a decision that could effect the rest of my life. And it is a decision I must think upon.